Normally, a thumping win over a bona fide premiership contender would instantly have everyone talking it up as one of Gold Coast’s greatest ever victories, and spark the discussion about whether the Suns had, at long, long last, finally arrived.

Thankfully, it seems we’ll be spared that cliche this time, because surely anyone with even a passing interest in the AFL can understand that the Suns’ 64-point battering of Geelong at their TIO Stadium fortress is, with respect to their excellent performance, as meaningless as a win of this magnitude can get.

Essentially, the Suns were handed a straight flush for this game, while the Cats were left trying to bluff their way to safety with a pair of fours. In everything from available names to the tricky, unfamiliar conditions Chris Scott’s team contended with in the Top End, to Gold Coast being perfectly suited and experienced in dealing with the same, Geelong were on a hiding to nothing up north – and they played like it.

Minus both Tom Hawkins and Jeremy Cameron up forward, the Cats lacked any semblance of a cohesive structure into attack, and a slippery footy and the humid atmosphere only made it tougher for them to both hit targets and have those targets mark the ball in the first place.

Of the six goals Geelong managed at half time, three were charity offerings from the Suns – two disastrous turnovers in defensive 50 that would have had Damien Hardwick ready to blow a fuse in the coaches’ box, and a white-hot 50m penalty paid against David Swallow for a centre square free kick that almost evened up a hilarious 3-17 main break free kick tally in and of itself.

You’d have soon lost count of the amount of times a Cats player in space, anywhere on the ground but especially up forward, had the footy slide through their hands as if coated in butter. Equally, that same slipperiness forced the Cats into taking precious extra milliseconds to correctly handle the ball, inviting the Suns’ pressure and leaving all but Gryan Miers effectively reduced to banging it into this Cameron-less, Hawkins-less forward 50 and hoping this time it might work.

The Cats sit equal-third in the AFL this year for marks inside 50 per game, averaging a tick over 13.5 for the year. By half time in Darwin? They had one.

Not only were Cameron and Hawkins missing, but Ollie Henry, developing into a fine third foil in their shadow, was suddenly the number one focal point, and as such drew most of the Suns’ attention. Naturally, he struggled, as did Tyson Stengle, who found himself consistently outnumbered at ground level by the Suns’ smalls and midfielders working back, and rarely if ever got a chance to showcase his knack of making the unexpected happen.

It was actually a minor miracle, one mainly caused by Suns’ sloppiness and their own efficiency in kicking six straight goals before their first behind, that they had actually cobbled together a decent score.

Of course, at the other end the Suns had managed 11 goals of their own, on the way to not just the highest score the Cats have conceded under Brad Scott, but their first 150+ score against since 1999.

But even that has a swathe of caveats: most obviously, the late withdrawal of Sam De Koning in the hour before the first bounce that not only deprived Geelong of their best key defender against a tall, powerful Gold Coast attack, but in a fashion that they couldn’t have planned and adjusted for during the week.

You’ll rarely see a Cats defence look so utterly at sea as they were against the Suns, especially in the last quarter when the floodgates properly opened as the sting went out of the game.

Having been given a frightful working over by Port Adelaide last week, Tom Stewart found the going just as tough on Thursday night: with Ben Long keeping him company, the Cats star officially looks dreadfully out of sorts at the moment.

Partly due to the greasy ball, partly the Suns being able to pinpoint targets going inside 50 with minimal pressure or ability to stop their hardworking midfield pushing into spaces for easy marks and territory gains, the high, hopeful balls Stewart has made a career out of intercept marking were all but nonexistent; while his ability to set the tone with calm kicks coming out of defence has also been nullified by teams refusing to allow him to become an easy option for an outlet kick.

The rest of the defence was powerless to stop the rangy Jack Lukosius from doing as he pleased, and when Stewart was moved onto him in the second quarter after a three-goal opening term, it did little if anything to quell his influence.

Support your AFL team in style – check out The Oodie! They’ve got Adult Oodies for all 18 teams as well as Kids Oodies and even Dog Oodies available in selected teams.  Made from the softest, premium fabrics they are the comfiest memorabilia you’ll ever wear!  #GetYourOodieOn

The best man on the field, Lukosius, like his team, seems tailor made for Darwin, and that plus the fact the Suns have been playing games here for four years now has him starting to form a reputation as a Top End specialist.

Certainly, his ranginess in working high up the ground, then either using it well moving inside 50 or running back to take marks when it was someone else’s turn to deliver, formed a lethal one-two combination no Cat – or Cats, for that matter – were capable of quelling.

By three-quarter time, while he hadn’t added to those three first-term goals, he had a whopping four goal assists; he’d add a fourth major to his tally in the last.

Throw in the sheer strength and size of Ben King and Sam Day, who comfortably outmatched Jack Henry and Jake Kolodjashnij, and you have the recipe for the utter bloodbath which ensued.

But that wasn’t the worst of the Cats’ problems: both their undersized backline and decimated forward line woes could have been mitigated had they not been utterly demolished in their greatest area of weakness – the midfield.

It’s not a controversial thing to say that Geelong, especially without Patrick Dangerfield, is vulnerable around stoppages.

The problems are twofold: not only do they not have any sort of replacement for the captain’s explosive speed and strength breaking away from packs, but they lack his experience in setting himself up at ball-ups and boundary throw-ins to have at least some influence, be it winning the ball himself or laying a tackle, on the contest.

Against a Suns midfield as settled as any in the league, that was never going to be enough, and with youngster Toby Conway in the ruck, Gold Coast could even afford to give Jarrod Witts a rest comfortable in the knowledge Ned Moyle could do the job.

At his feet, Matt Rowell, Touk Miller and Noah Anderson attend more centre bounces as a trio than any other in the AFL; they know exactly what roles each of them have, understand where the other two will be going, and all of that creates a perfect storm to feast on midfields as unprepared as Geelong’s.

Remarkably, on pure clearance numbers the Cats mostly broke even throughout the night, winning the stat 44-45 by full time. But the contrast in effectiveness after winning them was stark: the Suns consistently found a way to go from contested situation to find players, usually Anderson or running half-backs Alex Sexton and Sam Flanders, waiting on the outside to drive the ball forward, while the Cats were by and large reduced to hack-kicking forward to an attack without, and stop me if you’ve heard this before, Cameron or Hawkins.

Geelong are actually decent at scoring from stoppages this year: heading into the round, they sat fifth in the stat, with the Suns down in 13th. But conversely, Gold Coast’s strength is in denying that: they average just 20 points against from stoppages this year, comfortably the least in the league.

That’s why to three-quarter time, the Suns had 12 goals from their 35 clearances, and the Cats six from 34.

It would be easy to justify all the above as Geelong simply having an off night, but that’s not entirely correct. They were structurally weakened to a critical extent in all departments, playing in unfamiliar conditions their opponents are more than accustomed to, and as a result were on a hiding to nothing.

Plus, I reckon they knew going in that they were in for a tough one, and as a result when the match properly blew out late in the second quarter the defensive running that is usually their trademark became too tough in oppressive heat. That’s certainly my explanation for a last quarter that saw 14 goals kicked, seven apiece.

No doubt Scott will use the ignominy of such a score being piled up against his charges as motivation to ensure it won’t happen again: but privately, I’d be surprised if he viewed it as the sort of epoch-ending catastrophe it seems like it should be on paper.

Similarly, Gold Coast shouldn’t see this enormous win as the dawning of a new golden age, pardon the pun. They had the cards stacked in their favour in any way you could imagine, but unless they suddenly want to play seven home games a year in Darwin rather than their current two, it’s unclear and unlikely they can produce a performance as scintillating as this anywhere else.

Especially when it’s their turn to head to pastures unfamiliar.